Saturday, June 25, 2011

Augmentation v. Reconstruction

I really have to get something off my chest, figuratively this time!  Recently, I have had an influx of girlfriends that have opted for breast augmentation.  I am completely supportive of their decision and realize that it is something that is necessary for them and frankly, I could care less what they chose to do with their bodies.  And, I totally love seeing them transform through the process getting to that point where they feel a renewed sexiness.  It's amazing how such a simple change in size or shape can unveil a vixen of confidence.

But, this is where I fall flat on my face; I can't help feeling jealous.  Your new equipment gave you sultry confidence, while I wrap the towel around me before I exit the shower.  You go braless in daring shirts, while I am constantly checking to see if my implant wrinkles are exposed.  You are empowered between the sheets, while I am hiding under a sweatshirt. You desire the feeling of your man's hand up your shirt, while I have no feeling at all.  You love the new role breasts play during sex, while mine are left untouched.  With a smile and my tongue pressed between my teeth I will engage you, but girl it's painful.

Salt in my wounds when anyone compares their breast enhancement surgery to what I went through.  Be it the recovery, the event, the scars, the surgery, the emotional distress, IT'S ALL DIFFERENT!  Let me be clear,


If ya wanna see the things bolted to my chest that barely resemble a tit, I'll show ya.  You might get confused because where you have a nice little fleshy pink nipple I have a red scar, but I assure you they are my hot, new boobs just like yours right?


Anonymous said...

It is sad that more people do not see (or don't want to see) the difference in our experience. I agree with you wholeheartedly. I guess, what keeps me proud and my head held high, is realizing how much stronger I had to be to do what I did. I still keep my back to the room when I change in a locker room, but I am only 5.5 months out. I hope I will stop being shy when my scars fade some more, even though.

Anonymous said...

Me again...didn't get it finished.

...even though mine will never look as good as a "boob job" because I won't tolerate all the medical/surgical tinkering it would take. I did this to live, not spend years of my life striving for physical perfection.

Wishing the best for you.

Soobun from FORCE

Michelle said...

AMEN!!!! I actually had people ask me "Why are you making such a big deal out of a breast reduction?" UMM WHAT?!? I put those people straight in no uncertain terms. However, this is an exclusive little club we're in and unfortunately not everyone understands!

Anonymous said...

Amen! I just went through a bilateral mastectomy with placement of tissue expanders for future implants. I had lobular carcinoma and a positive BRAC analysis. I'm facing six months of chemo, these expanders are miserably uncomfortable, and my plastic surgeon won't do the exchange sugery until a few months after my chemo (I understand he wants me to regain my strength and immunity). I'm trying to go to school at the same time, and all of this just made a tough program even tougher. When people say something about how great my boobs will be when this is behind me I just want to smack them! If I get told one more time that I'll have the greatest boobs in the nursing home someday I think I'll throw up!I had cancer, my breasts were amputated, chemicals are going to be pumped through my body to kill any cooties that might be hiding in there, and I'm trying to rebuild a body that can make me feel somewhat normal. At the same time I'm trying to rebuild a career. Have respect for what I've been through and don't make aloof comments that are actually quite disrespectful! Thanks for letting me get that off my chest (it has enough problems right now!).

proudprevivor said...

I couldn't have said it better myself. Thank you for putting this out there. You got it off your chest, but really spoke for a large population of us, I'm sure. You hit home for me especially when talking about loss of feeling. I don't think people can understand that unless they experience it (which, of course, I hope they never do). And people who say they are jealous of my boobs...I wanna pull down my shirt and flex my pectoral muscles and ask them if they're jealous that my boobs can do that. Michelle is is an exclusive little club. I'm glad we're all out here trying to help the greater population understand. :)

*Twinkle* said...

Hi, I had a bilateral mastectomy with implants 4 years ago aged 31 due to having BRACA II gene. After several infections, implant removal, re-isertion of expander implant, infection, removal of both implants I decided enough was enough had them both out along with all the excess skin and my thing I ever did, I now have a pair of wonderful eyes tattooed on my chest for people to stare at and have never been more confident. I miss my boobs but not the time bomb I had in them....Ovaries out next week, more scars to tattoo!!! Keep strong ladies, we are alive x x

Erika said...

I completely agree!! These lumps on my chest are definitely NOT something I'm proud of. The only thing I'm proud of is that I'm still here to suffer through them. I've got plastic surgeons who only seem to think of the aesthetic aspect of my reconstruction and completely ignore the feelings (both physical & emotional) that go along with the reconstruction.

Unlike you I have a really hard time understanding women who have augmentations done. Its not that I don't support them, but I just don't understand why you'd intentionally go through even a small portion of the pain & hassle just for looks. I know I'd never have considered it. As it is the only reason I had my bilat mast & recon is so I'll look 'normal' and feel somewhat 'normal'. I was only 28 when I was dx w/ BRCA1 Stage II TN and did chemo while pregnant, delivered a healthy baby, more chemo, then the surgery. At 30 I feel more like an "it" than a woman because I have foobs & no other female parts (no ovaries or uterus) besides the external.

NO ONE should EVER compare augmentation (or even reduction) with a mastectomy! EVER!

Anonymous said...

Thank you all. I was dx brca 1 positive 1 year ago. Had a prophylactic BSO to reduce my risk...I already had stage 0 fallopian tube cancer. Luckily the next surgery that remove the rest of my gyn organs should no metastasis. However, in the months that followed I had stage IV breast cancer that went to the brain b4 I even knew that I had breast cancer. The tumor left some brain damage. So I had a craniotomy and then a biopsy, lump and lymph node ectomy, brain radiation, chemo - which I am recovering from now....a bilateral is on the horizen and I am currently feeling like I don't want reconstruction at this point. Just more surgery - for what and for whom?! My sister's implants slip and she bought an external piece. So maybe that's all I'll do - go external.

ThePetitePrincess said...

It breaks my heart every time I hear another story like this. I had 10 yrs of lumpectomies during which my mother passed from breast cancer. The last lump presented, had the mammo and it was a network of 14 ductal masses. Bilateral mastectomy was done, all nodes and masses benign thank god. I had a rough road with my reconstruction as well, and laugh every time people tell me how great my new boobs look. My surgeon did do a fabulous job, but I'm still nipple-less until I do my tit-tats (which I'm having done via one of the Miami Ink hotties that is a friend of mine;D go big or go home girls). But these surgeries were not my firsts, I'd had 45 prior in the last 20 years. Scars don't bother me that much due to something that was told to me by a very wise (and incredibly sexy) man: Scars are the signs and symbols of the warrior that you are, and the journey you have taken. Wear them with pride because you are a true warrior, you have fought the battles, and won.

The lack of feeling in my breasts is odd, yes. I have large areas of my body with no sensation due to surgery so I guess it doesn't get to me as much. But what does mean more to me, is knowing that I faced I tough decision, made it, had many complications and came out swinging :)

Much love out to my fellow bosom buddies. May you all heal, body, heart and soul :)'>Has this year been a turkey or one to give thanks

Anonymous said...

Just had my last "fluff," exchange surgery is scheduled for March 2nd. Tissue expanders are not comfortable, but they are part of the journey I chose after breast cancer, BRCA 2+, and a bilateral mastectomy. I'm nipless too and OK with that decision. Left too much risk behind just to keep nips! Be proud my Warrior Sisters...we have stared down cancer (or the threat of) and should bear our scars proudly!I've learned I'm a whole lot tougher than I thought I was. My father passed away just as I was finishing chemo in December. The pain is beyond description, but I know he was proud of me and the strength I gained throughout this ordeal.

Shahrukh said...

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devonroell said...

thanku for posting this!! You worded it so wonderfully! This was a huge par tof the reason why I kept my PBM more on the quiet side in fear that people would (and did!) say something stupid like that. ((hugs))