Thursday, April 21, 2011

Barely Boobs and Baby Bumps

So Joshua was exposed that ever contagious baby fever!  I don't know what it is, but he caught that bug and I can't seem to cure him of it.  He's hunched over the porcelain pot and begging for a remedy.  Not that I am fervently opposed to the idea of reproducing yet again, but I truly am satisfied with being a mom of two.  Isn't that perfectly average anyways?  

These surgeries have really taken a toll and I am still sweating my ass off trying to rid the extra thirty plus lbs my butt collected since my mastectomies.  I know that is a silly and selfish reason, but you know what? IT IS MY REASON!  I have been over 200 whoppers with each one of my pregnancies starting around 135 each time.  Okay, I'll be honest, with Kennady I tipped the scales at 220.  Yeah, no need to do the math to see I was a big girl and put on a lot of weight!  Anyhow, I had always been able to get the weight off fairly easily, but since surgery I've been losing the battle.  I have been eating clean, riding my bike almost everyday, and hitting the gym four times a week.  Even with this major lifestyle change, the scale hasn't even tickled a comfortable number on the scale.  I have read some case studies about mastectomies, hormones, and weight gain; not that that's my excuse or anything!  Imagine if I put on 80 plus lbs starting at 150...  UGH bad mental picture.

The other thing, I want to breast feed!  Yeah, it's impossible with no breast tissue and even more impossible with no nipples!  I am controlling and don't want Joshua to be able to nourish our child like I have done so in the past.  I am the mom and it's my job.  Haha, I know putting that in words sounds so silly, but it's true.  Oh well.

I am also wondering the affect pregnancy will have on my surgeries.  I have been trying to do a little research, but can't really find anything.  I saw that they put Christina Applegate in a high risk category, but it might have been for other reasons.  Will they sag?  How will they take to the weight gain?  What will I tell the lactation nurse when she comes in?!  haha.

Lastly, I just want nipples and to be done with this whole surgery process.  I really never understood that it took so much time and so much out of you.  I just want to toss this part of my life out the window and watch it shrink in the rear view. 

If only there were some way to compromise a child... huh, half a child?  the left or the right? bottom or top? 

Sounds like I am totally convinced I don't want another, but after self evaluating...

2 comments:

M L Martin said...

I really enjoy reading your blog :) I have hypothyroidism and have been struggling with weight loss here lately. It is frustrating. Anyway... just wanted to let you know that I miss you and really appreciate you helping my friend out!

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