So Joshua was exposed that ever contagious baby fever! I don't know what it is, but he caught that bug and I can't seem to cure him of it. He's hunched over the porcelain pot and begging for a remedy. Not that I am fervently opposed to the idea of reproducing yet again, but I truly am satisfied with being a mom of two. Isn't that perfectly average anyways?
These surgeries have really taken a toll and I am still sweating my ass off trying to rid the extra thirty plus lbs my butt collected since my mastectomies. I know that is a silly and selfish reason, but you know what? IT IS MY REASON! I have been over 200 whoppers with each one of my pregnancies starting around 135 each time. Okay, I'll be honest, with Kennady I tipped the scales at 220. Yeah, no need to do the math to see I was a big girl and put on a lot of weight! Anyhow, I had always been able to get the weight off fairly easily, but since surgery I've been losing the battle. I have been eating clean, riding my bike almost everyday, and hitting the gym four times a week. Even with this major lifestyle change, the scale hasn't even tickled a comfortable number on the scale. I have read some case studies about mastectomies, hormones, and weight gain; not that that's my excuse or anything! Imagine if I put on 80 plus lbs starting at 150... UGH bad mental picture.
The other thing, I want to breast feed! Yeah, it's impossible with no breast tissue and even more impossible with no nipples! I am controlling and don't want Joshua to be able to nourish our child like I have done so in the past. I am the mom and it's my job. Haha, I know putting that in words sounds so silly, but it's true. Oh well.
I am also wondering the affect pregnancy will have on my surgeries. I have been trying to do a little research, but can't really find anything. I saw that they put Christina Applegate in a high risk category, but it might have been for other reasons. Will they sag? How will they take to the weight gain? What will I tell the lactation nurse when she comes in?! haha.
Lastly, I just want nipples and to be done with this whole surgery process. I really never understood that it took so much time and so much out of you. I just want to toss this part of my life out the window and watch it shrink in the rear view.
If only there were some way to compromise a child... huh, half a child? the left or the right? bottom or top?
Sounds like I am totally convinced I don't want another, but after self evaluating...