Thursday, February 24, 2011

Foobs and Foreplay

Really is there such a thing as foobs and foreplay?  I have no feeling and frankly I think Joshua is freaked out by the idea of touching them.  It's not the way they look, I think that he is afraid he will hurt me or something.  Also, he saw them in all their colorful bruised and bleeding glory throughout the process, how can that be sexy?!  I am sure he has PTSD recalling all the stitching and those damn drains!  I am so far detached from the bubbles on my chest that if he ever did touch them, despite me having no idea if he was, I don't think it would do anything for me anyways.  But, this lack of foobplay leaves a void where there there wasn't there before.  I haven't fully come to love my new look, but I am not disgusted by it either.  I think it will just take some time... and maybe some nipples.


Michelle said...

I don't know, but if you find out I want to know! I'm having my PBM on April 20 and this is a big thing I'm worried about

Anonymous said...

Just had 2 yr anniversary of my PBM - a few ideas of things that have helped.

I saw a PT that specializes in mastectomy patients monthly for about 2 years. She did myyofacial release work to keep the scar tissue mobilized as it healed, taught me exercises to strengthen my back and prevent "winging" of my scapula, worked "cording" out of my armpit areas, rubbed the knots out of my back when I slept wrong, but most importantly listened to me and touched me in a way that helped my mind reintegrate the information coming from my breasts - nurtured me in a way that helped me feel whole and reconnected again. I still have physical numbness in some areas, but something mental/emotional occurred through this process that helped me stop disassociating from my breasts so much - help me feel less traumatized and more put back together.

Putting silicone lubricant on my chest helped reduce discomfort from friction.

My husband likes to/wants to touch them. I have had to explain to him/show him that I need him to touch me somewhere where I do still have feeling and then slide his hands onto my breasts so that I am oriented to what is going on - especially if the lights are out. Or, I need to see what his hands are doing. I need some other sense to clue in my brain. It is unpredictable but sometimes my brain "remembers" what the response to that action is even though I can't technically feel it. I guess just like amputees describe "phantom pain" there can also be "phantom pleasure."

This all sounds very clinical but it is actually much more fun in real life - hope it gets better with time. I had a one-step process without revisions so my timeline may be different than yours but I still bet time will help. I thought I was as healed as I would get at the one year mark, but the second year has been much better - going braless and swimming felt much better the second summer.